About book Living Beautifully: With Uncertainty And Change (2012)
Buddhist Pema Chödrön offers inspiring, down-to-earth advice for those of any or no religion on dealing constructively with the human condition. The book centers on three traditional Buddhist vows – to do no harm, to do good, and to see the world as it is – which aren’t about being moral but “about opening ourselves to a vaster perspective and changing at the core.” To make this change we need to be honest and kind with ourselves while confronting our mental and emotional habits: “Buddhism holds that the true nature of the mind is as vast as the sky and that thoughts and emotions are like clouds that, from our vantage point, obscure it…. The thoughts and emotions may make it difficult for us to contact the openness of our minds, but they’re like old friends who have accompanied us for as long as we can remember, and we’re very resistant to saying good-bye” to them. Together, the three vows help people contact their vaster self and its fundamental goodness.The first vow, to do no harm, involves refraining from (not repressing or denying) particular harmful actions, but Pema explores a more profound aspect: “The commitment is to refrain from speech and action that would be harmful to others and then to make friends with the underlying feelings that motivate us to do harm in the first place.” To control speech and actions we must be aware of the thoughts and feelings behind them. Meditation and other mindfulness practices keep awareness in the present moment and let us observe our thoughts and feelings without identifying with them. Practicing letting go of the mind’s contents when calm helps later in upsetting situations. Neurologically emotions last only about ninety seconds; when they last longer we are re-energizing them with our thoughts about what happened. With mindfulness we can learn to stop feeding these feelings.The second vow, to do good, puts us on the bodhisattva or warrior path, which requires the cultivation of courage, empathy and love. Consciously opening up to the world’s pain – the pain of those we like, those we don’t like, and those we don’t notice or will never meet – in order to relieve it requires strength, fearlessness and determination: “Compassion is threatening to the ego. We might think of it as something warm and soothing, but actually it’s very raw. When we set out to support other beings, when we go so far as to stand in their shoes, when we aspire to never close down to anyone, we quickly find ourselves in the uncomfortable territory of ‘life not on my terms’.” Compassion isn’t the strong pitying or supporting the weak, but a relationship of mutual support between equals.The practice offered for this vow is breathing in the pain of others and then breathing out relief. This counteracts the human tendency to take in relief and give out or reject pain. The author also suggests that when we realize we’ve closed down or are beginning to lose it, we come back into the present, getting in touch with our body, mind and feelings; feel our heart, “literally placing your hand on your chest if you find that helpful,” accepting yourself as you are right then; and then “go into the next moment without any agenda,” opening to the person or situation in front of you and dropping the storyline you were telling yourself about it.The third vow, to embrace the world just as it is, means “to develop a complete acceptance and openness to all situations and emotions, and to all people, experiencing everything totally without mental reservations and blockages, so that one never withdraws and centralizes into oneself…. being completely present and open to all sights, all sounds, all thoughts – never withdrawing, never hiding, never needing to jazz them up or tone them down.” As we become less self-absorbed, less attached to a vision of who we are, and less controlled by our fearful ego, we begin to see our opinions and vision of things as simply our opinions and visions. Instead of dread or a need to control, we develop curiosity.Everyone is bound to break the three vows over and over. Each time we do, we start again from wherever we are and reaffirm the vow. “Together, the three commitments form the education of the warrior. On the warrior path, we train in never turning away from our experience. And when we do turn away, it’s based on being able to discriminate between turning away because we know we can’t handle something at the moment and turning away because we don’t want to feel what we’re feeling, don’t want to feel our vulnerability. But we don’t develop this discrimination all at once. We get there inch by inch, moment by moment, step by step, working with our heart and mind.” This book is an excellent aid on this path to becoming more fully human. I loved this book! Pema Chodron writes Buddhist teachings in a way that is totally understandable and relatable. This book came to me at a great time when I was definitely needing some encouragement to focus and accept my emotions and interactions. Throughout reading about the first commitment, I found myself often distracted by giving myself examples of emotional situations that could be resolved using the practices described. But I powered through because I obviously needed to work on accepting my emotions. An infinite amount of small steps are needed, but one has to start somewhere. This book has helped me to feel empowered to begin taking the three commitments. I would recommend this book without hesitation.
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This book is a treasure - I feel so hopeful about my ability to be more compassionate and present.
—sonia
A reworking of the Three Commitments as supports for 'stepping into groundlessness'.
—sharayu
