Once upon a time, there was a warrior maiden of reluctant femininity who fell in love with the slightly emo (but always badass) second son of a noble family....But this is not their story. This is FIRES OF WINTER, a bucket of dead tree barf that was cobbled into really cheap toilet paper, the sort of thing Eowyn & Faramir would use to wipe their dogs’ feet on a slushy winter morning. Truly, this is one of the worst books I’ve ever read. It’s not even bad in a funny way – it’s just Really, Really Annoying. To draw even the vaguest comparisons between Eowyn/Faramir & Brenna/Garrick is to insult one of my favorite pairings in the literary universe – and so I’ve found more appropriate imagery to support my low opinion of these illiterate, uncommunicative knuckleheads. Sure, it took an exhausting search through thousands of images in Google – but after much consideration I’ve settled upon the following representations. Please forgive me for overreaching the boundaries of traditional romance. Instead I've drawn upon a genre completely unrelated to Vikings, horses, & firelight – beyond the scope of The 13th Warrior, Tolkien, Celtic myth, Norse lore, & the surface of our little blue planet.I urge you to forget the image presented in that (very pretty) vintage cover by Bob McGinnis. Instead, you shall behold the well-deserved faces of our hero & heroine.GARRICK:Ok, sure – Garrick’s not green. But his ineptitude as a warrior is matched only by Greedo’s ineptitude as a bounty hunter. Actually, I’m inclined to give Greedo the upper hand in this little arm-wrestling match, since Garrick spends the entire book mooning over mugs of milky mead & bemoaning his poor broken heart. What few times he attempts usefulness, he’s kicked in the nuts by hillbilly rapist!vikings, & from there he crawls back to be flogged senseless by Brenna’s shrill feminista screeches. Even Greedo had enough sense to stay on the other side of the table. Speaking of tables (or rather, the brainz of one)...BRENNA:Jar-Jar Binks – aka the most reviled creature in the Lucas pantheon. He’sa da cause of all da evil in da galaxy. Intellect-wise, he & Brenna are on par with the thickest lump of wood that was ever chopped from a pine. Even worse, both Jar-Jar & Brenna are the sorriest excuses for anything that’s noble in heroic stories. There’s no wry humor they can’t ruin, no moment of personal growth they can’t kill, no pain they can’t inflict with their lack of foresight, no outrageously over-blown skill they can’t claim before getting kicked in the face by inept soldiers of fortune in rubber suits or leather breeches. (And if you squint real hard, those floppy bits on Jar-Jar’s head look like flowing tresses.)So see, I’m not as crazy as you thought. ;)At this point, I could write a summary of what plot there is & rant about it until everyone hated me as much as I hated Brenna…but no. That’s letting Brenna & Garrick down too easy. Without further ado, I present:FIRES OF WINTER: A PARODY IN SCREENPLAY.[now with extra drama, colorful metaphors, & picspam]BRENNA: I’m so totally a warrior! My mommy died & my daddy raised me like a son when I was little. I killed a boar when I was 9 & I will never be ruled by a man. You hear me, world? I’m 17 & I’m unmarried & I shall never be subjected to unfair patriarchal rulership. I will never be tamed!BRENNA’S DAD: Actually, no. You’ll marry the first available Viking chieftan we can find. You’ll do the noble thing & somehow avert bloodshed & crisis, because if you’re married to a Northman they’ll leave us alone.BRENNA: I refuse! I will never be tamed!DAD: You will.BRENNA: I won’t.DAD: Go away so I can die in peace, dammit.BREN: This sucks so much. What can I do to avoid being subverted by horrible males the rest of my life?DELLA: It’s even worse at night. They put their organs between your legs & make you beg for mercy.BREN: Eeeew!DELLA: Ha. Now you’ll never know that sex is actually a very good time. DELLA’S HUSBAND: I want to plow your little sister.DELLA: That’s why I hate her with the unreasonable passion of a thousand fiery suns!DELLA’S HUSBAND: But I’m nothing but a meaningless cog for interpersonal conflict, see? I have, like, three speaking lines. In fact, I serve no purpose but Viking fodder.DELLA: Huh?DELLA’S HUSBAND: Viking fodder. As in killed by vikings. Like the ones attacking us right now.BRENNA: We must defend ourselves!AUNT LINNET: But your father is dead. We are defenseless!BREN: I’m as good as any boy! I know strategy & footwork & proper codes of conduct for battle & all the cool stuff that is un-womanly.DELLA: I still think those vikings will rape us.BREN: Then go sit in a corner & be useless, just like all women who do womanly things for the good of patriarchal society. I, meanwhile, will do what’s needed to defend our home from these murdering asswipes. LINNET: Can’t hear you, honey. We’re being raped.VIKINGS: Yaaaaar!BREN: Omg, why are you beating me at swordfighting?! I’m a quarter of your weight & have a flimsy breakable sword my father gave me as a lark!ANSELM THE VIKING: Too bad I was never going to honor your engagement, otherwise you’d make my son a fine bride.BREN: I will never be tamed!ANSELM: I will give you to my son as a slave. Women with spirit are funny dinner entertainment – and I think you can heal his broken heart after his floozy fiancee ran off with a rich merchant. BRENNA: I’ll give you the silent treatment as a sign of my indominable will.LINNET: Please don’t kill her for giving you attitude. She’s always been a spoiled brat.ANSELM: Yowza, baby. Wanna be my bedslave? The wife won’t mind.LINNET: Sweet. I have the protection of the clan leader now.DELLA: Hey! I want a clan leader too.ANSELM: Don’t worry, I have another son.BREN: I’ll sit alone & pretend I can’t understand your language. That will give me the upper hand as I plot to dominate your heathen society with my awesomeness.[Visual interlude:]GARRICK: Dad, who’s this hottie slave you gave me?ANSELM: She’s the girl whose father I tricked into believing I would have as my daughter-in-law. GARRICK: But I don’t want a wife. You know I had my heart broken once & now I’m convinced all women are conniving, evil bitchfaces.ANSELM: Don’t you remember that incredibly vague story about your being kidnapped by celtic peeps & tortured for no reason? I decided to have revenge upon other celtic peeps as payment for your mistreatment.GAR: Um. Logic gap. HUGH: Shut up, baby bro. I want to plow that bitchy girl Dad brought home.BRENNA: I will kill you all in hand-to-hand combat!LINNET: She just needs to be treated kindly. She's actually quite fragile inside.BREN: Give me a sword & I’ll prove myself, you Viking bastards! I hate this Viking homestead. I hate this Viking weather. I hate the smell of your stinky Viking breath. I hate the sound of your heathen Viking voices. I hate the color of your sleazy Viking skies. GARRICK: She seems rather...shrill.LINNET: Nah, that’s just because her father died last weekend.BREN: I’ll stomp my feet & demand to be treated with privilege solely because my name is Brenna & I’m better than all of you losers who can’t understand why I’m not behaving like a cowardly woman. I will never be tamed![Visual interlude:]GAR: Shut up & finish making this rug.BREN: I won’t.GAR: You will.BREN: I won’t. Rugs are womanly labor, damn you! I’m so insulted that I’ll stomp my feet & put my arms akimbo & pull your stuff from your trunks & throw clothes all over the room!GAR: But…you are a woman.BREN: And what do you mean by giving me a decent bed to sleep in & food to eat & not beating me for my constant bitchy attitude?!GAR: This is highly irregular behavior for a slave. You don’t have much common sense, do you?BREN: That’s because I will never be tamed!GAR: Oh, right. I’m big & dumb & ineffectual, so I’ll give you more latitude than any self-respecting Northman would allow.BREN: Speaking of which, I refuse to drink milk.GAR: Huh?BREN: Milk is for babies! And children! And women!GAR: ...I like milk.BREN: Fuck you & fuck milk. I throw your milk in your face & cry because you won’t give me liquor.GAR: I am oddly aroused by this tantrum.[Visual interlude:]GARRICK: Now that you’ve kept your arms akimbo for three days straight, it’s time I raped you to show I’m the master here. BRENNA: I refuse to let you try a forced seduction.GAR: Why?BREN: Because my sister told me sex was hurty & painful & unpleasant & I’ve inexplicably believed her all-knowing about this topic.GAR: Sex is fun when you’re both into it. Not that I’ve had any since my floozy ex ran off with a merchant & I’m so boo-hoo broken hearted...but whatever. I’ll kill two birds with one stone & break you in like a proper slave.BREN: Oh, the irony! I’m not afraid of violence or anything masculine, but I’m terrified of that which embodies my most feminine aspects!GAR: Aw, it’ll be okay. I won’t hurt you.BREN: I dunno…GAR: Lemme show you. [Visual interlude:]GARRICK: Mmmmm.BRENNA: Mmmmm.GAR: Oooooooooooh!BREN: OoooooOOOOOOooh, that IS fun!GAR: See, I told you.BREN: …Actually, it kinda sucked.GAR: Huh?BREN: I’m a Strong Woman. I will never be tamed! I can’t admit you were any good, because then you’d be dominating me. Instead I’ll blow the smallest conversations out of proportion & turn every interaction into a battle of the sexes, all of which is a set-up for me to bend your weak will around my little finger.GAR: ...Or is it? Maybe I’ll use your desire for me as a weapon against your emotional armor & make you regret treating me like shit.BREN: Nah, not really. I just like your oh-so-manly organ.GAR: Really?BREN: Yeah. But from now on I can only relay that enjoyment second-hand through conflicting parties. Admitting it to your face would imply emotional growth & acceptance that sometimes unpleasant beginnings can grow into pleasant contentment, if not outright happiness. That’s maturity, see? And I can’t touch that shit with a ten-foot pole because I will never be tamed!GAR: I r confused. BREN: Them’s the breaks, hon.GAR: Screw this emotional stuff. I’ll just assault you without permission. That’ll learn you for abruptly deciding to weave rugs like a normal woman.BREN: Ha, I only agreed to make your rug to throw you off the scent of my escape plan.GAR: Curse my small brain!BREN: No worries. I’ll make a huge deal about erasing the tracks of my horse, but I’m stupid enough to forget the dog as he’s running along beside us. You’ll find me in, like, three days.GAR: Awesome. Let’s be sure to make camp on top of a sleeping bear. You can save my life, because I’m an utter FAIL at Viking stuff like, y’know, killing with spears & arrows.BREN: Sure thing, sport.GAR: And we contrive it so you challenge for your freedom, but are still unwillingly attracted to your so-called enemy. That way you can be afraid to hurt me with your superior swordsmanship & have a conflict of interest between your femine lust for my body & your masculine desires for equality & freedom in this evul patriarchal society.[Visual interlude:]BRENNA: Cough, cough. Sniffle, sniffle. I r sick after running away & being thrown in the punishment cell.GARRICK: I couldn’t show you special treatment, remember?BREN: But if you hadn’t given me milk earlier I wouldn’t have tried to escape. Damn your milk & your rug-making & your awesome manly-male organ of pleasure!GARRICK: Here, take these expensive armbands & gold-emboidered gown to show how I’m unwilling to share you. BRENNA: I'll just put my arms akimbo & stomp my feet & dare you to abuse me like a slave, so I can hold that over your head to make you feel emotions. I’m a shrew & I’m shrill & I will never be tamed![Visual interlude:]CEDRIC THE GROTTY KIDNAPPER VIKING: Ah-ha! I’ve been paid by a Mystery Woman to kidnap & mistreat you!BREN: I just fainted from terror. Thanks a lot. Did I mention that I will never be tamed?CEDRIC: I don’t give a shit.BREN: Then why have you taken me?CEDRIC: I dunno. I think it’s some absurdly complicated plan for revenge that nobody cares about.BREN: I see. And you're naked because...CEDRIC: Because I’m a grotty kidnapper & I like to inflict pain on my victims. Oh, yes. I looooove pain. I’m such a sadist. See, I’ve got scars all over my body & if there was such a thing as S&M clubs, I’d go every weekend to get my kink on. BREN: Your peen is enlarged! Does that mean you raped me while I fainted?!CEDRIC: Not yet. I have an oh-so-convenient need for my victims to be awake while I rape them, otherwise I can’t get it up. But now that we're having this conversation...BREN: Yeah, I'll pass. I’m just gonna stab you & get the hell out of here.CEDRIC: You’ll be wandering around for weeks in the snow, you know. Just a warning. BREN: My lover will be searching for me.CEDRIC: Nah, he’ll hate you. He hates me too. It’s some family feud thing.BREN: You can't talk now, remember? You're dead.CEDRIC: ...Or am I?BREN: I can’t hear you, grotty kidnapper Viking. I’m too busy wandering for weeks in the snow because Garrick & his awesome manly-male organ think I’ve run away.GAR: You’ve hurt my feelings & I won’t forgive that. See, I’m more of a woobie-rake from the Regency than anything else. I have yet to do anything remotely Viking-like, so you can’t really expect me to act like a badass & claim you again, though part of me admires that you've managed to survive for weeks in the unforgiving Nordic environment with nothing more than a paperclip, a pencil, & a stick of gum.BREN: Have I mentioned that I’m pregnant?[Visual interlude:]GAR: Really? You're going to have a baby?BREN: That is what pregnant means. And now I’ve inexplicably developed a terror that you’ll leave my newborn babe on the hillside & destroy it like the heathen Viking murderer you are!GAR: I wouldn’t kill my baby.BREN: You would! And just to prove how much I want you to go away, I’ll stomp my feet & put my arms akimbo & ride around hunting pelted animals while I’m eight months huge with sprog! LINNET: Uh, that’s probably not a good idea.BREN: Why not?LINNET: Because you’re pregnant.BREN: I don’t care. I’m strong & independent & stubborn & I refuse to do womanly things. I will never be tamed!LINNET: But...BREN: There, see? I’m fine. I’ve attained new levels of maturity thanks to this baby in my belly. Look what I can do! ...Oops, I just fell off my horse.LINNET: Oh noes, you’re having your baby prematurely.BREN: Dammit, how did that happen? Don’t let Garrick kill it while I’m unconscious.CEDRIC: Ah-ha! I have returned!GARRICK: No, see, I brought him as a peace offering. Show me where you tried to kill him & I’ll believe you didn’t run away on purpose.CEDRIC: I haz scarz like woah. You can’t prove anything.BREN: He’s right. GAR: Then you’re still a lying ho.CEDRIC: Ha! I’ve shoved you down & knocked your head on a table. Now I’ll take Brenna again & try to cross the fjord.BREN: You leave my baby alone!CEDRIC: I don’t want your baby, biatch! That woman wants your baby.BREN: Omg, no! Not that really suspicious housekeeper I knew earlier in the story! GAR: You mean the one that mysteriously disappeared midway through the first half of the book? The one that has a bastard son by my father & wants him to overthrow my brother as heir to the clan?!CEDRIC: Yup, that’d be her.BREN: Get our baby, Garrick!GAR: Get out of the fjord, Brenna![Visual interlude:]CEDRIC: Get in this damn boat, slave!BREN: Get off my leg, Cedric!GAR: Leave off my woman, asshole!CEDRIC: Stop kicking my face, bitch!BREN: Quit trying to kidnap me, idiot!GAR: Stop distracting me from our baby, woman!CEDRIC: Where’s the boat going without us, dammit!BREN: I will never be tamed, boys!GAR: And there goes the baby!CEDRIC: And there goes the boat!BREN: Into the woods!GAR: After them! BREN: Quick!CEDRIC: I’m drowning now! ..Oops, too late.BREN: Nevermind that poor drowning man. We need our baby back. We’ve got two pages left, dammit, & I demand to dominate you into a happy ending.GAR: I have him! The really mysterious housekeeper isn’t an evil woman – she’s just insane. BRENNA: That’s a relief. Let’s go snuggle now, Greedo. I love you even if you’re a Viking bastard.GARRICK: I love you too, Jar-Jar. Kissy-kissy, snuggle-woo.Epilogue:
So I recently watched the incredibly awesome The 13th Warrior yet again, but for the first time since my dive into the old bodice rippers, and I saw the Norsemen heroes in a whole new light. In other words, my pervy freak-on for my male ancestors became highly relevant to my reading interests. It got me thinking that I should probably come up with a personalized Viking BR hero yardstick.So I asked myself this:Does the hero in this Viking BR make me want to be the lucky female thrall who gets ritually raped, strangled/stabbed, then tossed onto his burning funeral ship? Is he that blond hot morally deserving of such a worthy, sacrificial prize?If the answer is “yes” or even “maybe”, then I suspect I have a winner.Admittedly this rhetorical question has quite a few rough edges. But for the moment, I’m going with it.So how did Johanna Lindsey’s Garrick Haardrad stack up?Well, I’m sorry to say that he was a Viking fizzle. He revved me up about as much as this Viking does:One of these days I’m going to have to realize that, in order to enjoy a Johanna Lindsey romance, I need to put on my durrrrrrr face to convince myself that her swiss cheese plots, her slapdash pacing, her schizophrenic bratty heroines, and her cardboard heroes are Teh Awsum.Maybe my expectations are too high for an author who is in the pantheon of the genre with her backlist never out of print. I’d kinda like her books to be seriously good. Not asking for brilliance here. Some three-dimensional characterization isn’t too much to ask. Maybe I'm irreversibly disappointed with my old high school self for thinking this was good writing.Like other early Lindsey heroines, Brenna was A Snotty Brat. She wasn't strong, feisty, or even stubborn. Her backbone was of the “I will NOT drink milk!”, “You can’t make me do women’s work!” and "How dare you not admire my superiority in everything!" hissy fit variety.She has supposedly “killed men” in her indulged career as tomboy guardian of her Welsh estate, and is apparently more expert in weaponry than anyone around (including Vikings), but she’s forever getting weapons slapped out of her hand, picked up and toted around under an arm, turning nauseous at the sight of blood, doesn’t even think to cover her dog’s tracks when she makes a break for it, and faints dead away on a few occasions, even without the aid of a blow to the head. She can reportedly use a crossbow and wield a sword, but has zero muscle mass when it would come in handy.Warrior chick? Um yeah, not so much.While Brenna got on my tits with her obnoxious, spiteful behavior and her screaming temper tantrums - Seriously, this girl is a warrior? She hasn’t an ounce of discipline or patience for anything! - Garrick wasn’t as lame, but he was pretty underwhelming.His tale of woe (being jilted by a greedy chick, therefore making him hate and distrust all women and use them only for his pleasure) is a page out of the Lord Rakey Needzhealinboobieshurst playbook. The last thing I expected when I picked up a romance with Vikings is that I’d get an archetype from the Regency sausage factory.Does Garrick do anything Viking? He wears swanky silks, has a posh house, and is more of a traveling salesman than a warrior. He pouts, is pissy, and while he does make some token gestures of rape and bossiness, it didn’t come with a multi-dimensional personality. So in the end I didn’t give a rat’s ass about him.Brenna really tended to drag him down to her squalling infant level, but he didn't have far to fall. Their battle of wills was prolonged and boring, with no charisma to offset my aggravation. It was like watching two brats in high chairs throw pudding cups at each other.So no, Garrick Haardrad, despite all my initial hopes, will not enter the “Yes, Oh Yes!” Val-hall-a Fame alongside Buliwyf the Badass......and Herger the Awesomesauce.The only “good” parts of the book were the glimpses into the home life of the Viking settlement. The other captive women had realistic attitudes, the ones who had been whisked away from their homes and, over the course of years, have become reconciled (if not entirely contented) with their lives. But these even-keeled women always got disrupted and harangued by Brenna the Drama Llama. So for the long-suffering Heloise, Janie, and the stable master Erin, I give a huge thumbs up (and an extra star) for making this book bearable. Garrick's dad Anselm and the shepherd puppeh "Dog" also provided some much-needed "Oh look, something good!" moments.I’m not done with Lindsey. But when I next pick up a book of hers, I’m going to remind myself what frame of mind I need to be in to enjoy it.
Do You like book Fires Of Winter (1980)?
well, 3 stars udah cukup deh..udah waktunya belajar bahwa kekeraskepalaan berakhir dengan kebodohan, dan ketidakpercayaan menyakiti diri sendiri.Bagian pertama = Lady Brennatiba-tiba dijadikan tawanan dan menyaksikan satu keluarga dibantai itu memang berat. Bisa dimengerti kenapa Brenna mati-matian mempertahankan harga dirinya yang masih tersisa dengan melanggar semua aturan budak. TAPI, ga semua aturan bagus buat dilanggar. Brenna terlalu impulsif. Dia terlalu memikirkan semuanya dengan sisi kekanak-kanakan dan berdasarkan emosi.Teguh sama pendirian juga bagus. Brenna bangsawan. Dia punya keangkuhan yang memang pantas sebagai bangsawan. tapi terlalu keras kepala dan egoisnya itu terlalu dominan.Bagian dua = Garricklain halnya dengan Brenna, Garrick bisa dibilang lumayan, kalau aja ketidakpercayaannya ga se-menyebalkan itu. apasih susahnya berkata A, kalau yang dirasakan memang A? well, Garrick pernah dikhianati Morna, tapi please deh, ga semua orang itu Morna. life must go on. kalau awalnya ga percaya itu wajar, apalagi melihat sejarah Garrick & Morna, tapi yang ini keterlaluan.Bagian tiga = Garrick & Brennadua-duanya penuh kontradiksi. satu saat cinta setengah mati, saat lainnya nyaris saling bunuh. disini Brenna 1 point lebih unggul dari Garrick, karena Brenna mengakui dengan jujur kalau ia mencintai Garrick. Sedang Garrick bahkan ga berani memikirkan akan menikahi Brenna (What the hell!).untungnya ada Selig ditengah-tengah yang cukup untuk melunakan dan menyatukan mereka.saya sebagai pembaca bertanya-tanya, bagaimana kehidupan pernikahan mereka. Apakah terlalu muluk mengharapkan mereka akan berjalan harmonis dan bahagia selamanya?
—signorina Vei
If you are a fan of the series Viking, this one is for you!This is my first Johanna Lindsey novel, as in the past the covers didn’t attract my eye and being a fan of 70s & 80s Historical Romance and Viking sub-genre, this book wasn’t a let down - it ended up being a couldn’t put it down! The novel draws on harshness towards women at times with some mildly graphic scenes, so if you are not keen to read as such, then I would suggest to skip the scenes as it is a good story. Good thing is, there is no real dwelling or memories of the scenes so you won’t be re-visiting the ‘moments’. From my understanding women were highly respected in Norse culture and free to choose whom they marry, and free to divorce. As Brenna was Celtic perhaps this changed the opinion of women.A decent depiction of the Viking times (although the names we not) with a big emphasis on the heroine, Brenna, a young shield maiden who is captured and taken to the north as a marriage prize. (view spoiler)[Brenna is spirited, proud and genuine of heart, however I would have liked to have known a lot more of Garrick’s thoughts and feelings (portrayed as harsh and unforgiving through most of the book), but true to the writing of the time, the emphasis on the heroine overrode that. (hide spoiler)]
—SuziєQtyPyє
Maybe it is Lindsey's writing, but I feel I shouldn't like this book yet I couldn't put it down. Don't get me wrong, the captor/captive storyline is my fav, but the H is such an unreasonable jerk at times that i want to kill him. He distrusts her (because another broke his heart) and treats her very coldly at times. There are several scenes of RAPE as well. The kind that cannot be termed forced seduction, where it is made clear that the heroine is not "ready" for the act. Yet, he continues to consistently act like the wronged party and a spoiled child. Yes, she was a slave and vikings were brutes, but he also knew that she was not raised into this station and should have been more understanding of her anger/resentment, as his parents were. He does, in the end realize that he loves her, has been an unforgiveable jerk, and that he can't force her to be with him without it destroying her even though he desperately wants to. He is even willing to let her leave the country and is rather humble in trying to get her to reconsider, stay, and marry him. I suppose what made the brutality easier to take was Brenna's spunk (sometimes bordering on childish tantrums). She did not let him break her and defied him at every turn.I know that's a lot of complaining for a book I honestly couldn't put down. It is just so hard for me to explain what I loved about it when there were so many things that disturbed me.
—KatieV
