Well, what to say about this one? For a start, I just want to warn people not to read this book unless you already own the next and it is readily available. I thought I could handle waiting a while for the last, but the unbelievable spoiler in the last sentence of this book made it impossible for me to wait for the next with any semblance of calm.By the way, I just have to say it - it's so hilarious, the ship that the five main characters stole turned out to be an alien porn-smuggler. :D *face-palm*. Epic fail.In this book Green seems to have returned to the formula we were introduced to in the original Deathstalker. However, never fear – the people placed into this formula are sufficiently different to original hero’s and heroine’s to make Deathstalker Return an addition to the series that is just as wonderful and amusing as the rest of them.So. First, we have Lewis Deathstalker, because, of course, what would the Deathstalker Saga be without a Deathstalker? And as usual, the Deathstalker, Lewis, has to be the loveable one, with enough dry humour to keep us entertained. Still, I give him credit just for being around dear Jesamine for more than half an hour and not slapping her about something or other. That brings me to Jesamine, who fits roughly into Hazel’s slot in the formula, “the Deathstalker’s love”. But of course, Jesamine is more of a classic beauty, far more showy, a diva… and besides, Hazel would never be caught singing about anything. Next we come to Brett, who fits, predictably, into the “Random” slot. Yes, as a Random he is unpredictable, funny, and sometimes a general pain in the ass – to be perfectly honest, as a replacement for the tragic hero Jack Random, he’s a bit of a comedown, but you have to make allowances… and a lot of them. That brings me around to the woman who fits into the “psychopath” area – Rose Constantine. The only differences between her and Ruby are the red leathers instead of the black, the fact that she is even less emotionally developed, and that in actual fact she almost makes Ruby look like a wet-nosed puppy. Lastly, we come to the “non/sub-human” category, in this case filled by the fierce, bi-sexual, reptilian alien who has no idea what purpose names have – Saturday. Again, Saturday makes his predecessor Tobias Moon look positively fun and giggly, even on his worst days. Now that we’ve finished with the main good characters (aside from Douglas, who I shall come to later), I’ll have to start with those who are bad and ambiguous. Finn. Finn, Finn, Finn. You utter bastard. (Excuse the language, guys, the word has never applied to a better person.) As I believe I’ve admitted in a previous view and will continue to do so, Finn is… impressive. Very intelligent, and cunning, but his monstrosities never end. Turning people into pools of slime, murdering for the hell of it – I can’t even be bothered going through the list, it’s far too long. But what I will mention is what Finn did to the old King, William. William is living in retirement, with a manor house and a beautiful, beautiful garden that is his pride and joy. And what does Finn do? Well, he doesn’t exactly help with the weeding. He strides in with his troops, burns the gardens in front of William, completely destroys them. I just despise the destruction of anything beautiful, so of course I was crying by this point. Where I started going Oh my God, you’ve got to be kidding, was when Green told us that they’d even slaughtered the swans in the now bloody lake. But what really got me was when Finn dug up the preserved body of William’s son, James, right in front of William, disintegrated it. *cries* Seriously, Finn?While we’re speaking of people that you have to go “Seriously?” at, let us talk about Anne Barclay. I am even more disgusted with her than I was in the previous book. For goodness sake, woman! In this book, Anne gets “what she always wanted” – a new body, a prettier face… but surprise surprise, it doesn’t make her happy. She doesn’t have the grace to carry her new body, still striding about as she always did, and she doesn’t feel like it’s really her. Nah, really? Anne is like so many others in finally discovering that who you want to be and who you are isn’t always the same thing, and being untrue to yourself will not make you happy. The difference with Anne is that she has hurt so many people because they didn’t understand her, didn’t focus on her, when in fact not focusing on her was a perfect way of showing that they knew who she was.I’ll move on, then, to Emma Steel. Emma is one of those characters that you get a happy, tingly feeling reading about, because you remember the old days, the old Mistworld, and Giddeon Steel. Emma is a worthy representative of Mistworld, honourable, a wonderful fighter, and a great character to read about, aside from being about the only worthy Paragon around. She is always trying to do the right thing, and it’s heart-breaking seeing her struggle, about the only person left who is just trying to do the right thing for people who need her. (view spoiler)[WHY? WHY, ANNE, WHY??? Anne, you are such a bitch. That was an awful way for Emma to die, and she didn’t deserve it. And then you go and whine about the fact that you killed her? *cries* I can’t believe you, Anne, I really can’t. (hide spoiler)]
