About book Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello To Courtship (2005)
Let me say up front that I enjoyed this book more than Joshua Harris' first book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Not that that book was a dud or anything, but Boy Meets Girl has Harris in the now-married-and-able-to-look-back-on-courting role. This made all the difference. The thing that I appreciated most about this book was the constant focus on the heart. So many in the church are consumed with rules for the sake of rules. Rules are necessary and good, but only when they flow out of a heart that desires to honor God.So many have caricatured Josh Harris in the years since his first two books came out that it's refreshing to actually read his words and not depend on what others think they know about his views. With the benefit of hindsight, Harris outlines the essentials of a healthy, God-honoring courting relationship. His main goal is to help young people figure out how to know that they are ready for marriage. Along the way, the dozens of interviews and personal stories illuminate his general principles in specific ways. Having real-life stories introduce and/or conclude a section or chapter was more helpful than excess explanation from Harris.Here's some highlights:Chapter Two is really important as it introduces us to the concept that courtship (as opposed to dating) is all about being purposeful in a guy-girl relationship. This is a direct shot across the bow of today's casual dating and "hooking up" culture. Harris is also careful to point out that he's not stuck on the term "courtship." Call it what you will, but his desire is for purposeful, pure relationships.Chapter Three contrasts romance and wisdom. By romance, Harris means the emotions-first fare that is constantly served up by Hollywood. One is ready for courtship "when you can match romance with wisdom" (48). Chapter Six's provocative title (What To Do With Your Lips) introduces a helpful discussion of communication that is often ignored or psychologized. The five principles laid out here are very practical and easy to evaluate.Chapter Seven takes on the roles of men and women and challenged Christian young men to stand up and be men in their private lives and in their relationships with women. Harris does not ignore the women and gives them several helpful pointers from a guy's point of view.Chapter Nine is the one most people skip to because it's essentially the "SEX" chapter. Harris' opening anecdote (140-143) really resonated with me as something that most guys understand and acknowledge but don't allow themselves to get serious about. I thought that Harris' Scripture-saturated approach to sex and its beauty and its dangers was well-balanced. Much of this chapter can be seen in Harris' Sex is Not the Problem; Lust Is. Chapter Ten deals with a mistake-filled past and the forgiveness that is in Jesus. Chapter Eleven has ten solid questions to answer before you get engaged. Chapter Twelve wraps up the book in a positive, encouraging, commissioning way.I did not read the "Eight Great Dates" appendix in the 2005 edition.I would say that every Christian parent and every Christian teen ought to read this book, if for no other reason than to actually have to think about being purposefully headed toward marriage.
While popular culture's take on dating needs a good Christian criteria and a strong alternative, Ithis book's model is sufficiently nuanced and fails to understand that more is accomplished in dating than finding a partner. I found parts of this book unrealistic, with a number of romantic stories of successful courtship which are almost fairytale in nature. I feel like the author fails to recognize that most true fairy-tales are often filled with heart break, struggles, and pain. I agree with the authors assessment that we need to be more purposeful in dating relationships, but believe this book is provide just one model, where there are a number which honor God. I would suggest that his focus on courtship, dating as a way to discover if this relationship will grow into a marriage can lead to a selfish orientation and removes opportunities someone could have to grow and learn. Besides discovering if the person you are dating will become the person you marry, dating provides a context to learn to love people better which prepares you to be a good marriage partner and lets you get to know someone (which is inherently good). I have seen many examples of people who benefited from dating, even when they were not yet at a point where they were prepared to get married. There is some very good content in the section on "the season of courtship", though I think the authors understanding of gender based roles is inadequate, having been influenced too much by 1950s popular culture. A quick read of Proverbs 31 would suggest a much more active and engaged role for women. I found this book very uneven. The appendix has some good suggestions for dates that help you learn about each other's lives. Some parts I thought deserved 1-2 stars, others 4 maybe 5 stars. I would recommend as an alternative Dating and Waiting by Bill Risk and Spiritual Relationships that Last (used to be Myth of Romance) by Dennis McCallum and Gary Delashmutt.
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With only a few reservations, this book was engaging, Biblically accurate, and realistic. I love Joshua Harris' easy, conversational (though not sloppy) style of writing, his profuse illustrations of his arguments, and his applications to his own life and to the lives of his readers. A great book for young adults (and any single adults) to read, especially as a follow-up to his first book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. (As a sidenote, I felt that this book was more "feet in the real world" than his first book as well, probably due to some of the personal experiences he relates in Boy Meets Girl.) Really worthwhile. If you like this, you may also like his follow-up to this Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World, which was also published as Not Even a Hint: Guarding Your Heart Against Lust.
—Alicia Ruggieri
A perfect read when you're entering courtship. :) Joshua Harris highlighted about waiting to knowing, returning to purposeful romance, why you need wisdom aside from romance, how God guides you to the right person at the right time. He also pointed out how to guard your heart in friendship, fellowship and romance; to do your part as a man or woman, the importance of the support system (church and family) and purity. There's so much more. God nudged me to read this book as I'm about to enter cour
—Nicole Aquino
Because of "I kissed dating goodbye" that my friend lent to me I purchased this book after. Yes, it worth the price. After reading this book- I evaluate myself what I want to the person I am going to marry. It also, strengthen my faith to believe that He has someone prepared for me. Again, I didn't meet/know my hubby yet. But that time, I started doing my part. Aside from praying daily. I also, started writing letters to him almost every week as like we've known each other and saying praying to him on my letters. I kept those letter until I finally got married to my wonderful husband and handed to him all those letters. Like how Joshua Harris and his wife met...my hubby and I let God allow in our relationship. We didn't go ahead but we just let Him move on our behalf. I want to read this book again...but after I got married I passed this on to my niece and she is still believing God has wonderful plan in her life and her future.
—Mimi Watson
