About book Why We Love: The Nature And Chemistry Of Romantic Love (2005)
I was led to this book after watching Helen Fisher’s 2006 TED talk entitled “Why we love, why we cheat.” Both the talk and the book are largely based on Fisher’s study, begun in 1996, of students at SUNY Stony Brook campus, in which the brain activities of two groups of volunteers were scanned in an MRI. One group reported to be deeply in love, while the other had recently experienced painful breakups. As one would expect, the book contains more details about the study, not provided in the TED talk, as well as additional facts and ideas. Unfortunately little of the additional material qualifies as ground-breaking or transformative. Even the additional details about the central study do little to strengthen the author’s arguments. There is plenty of information about the experiment’s setup, but much of it assumes a rather banal character and, while perhaps mildly entertaining, is not revelatory. More troubling, the 144 brain scans mentioned by the author in her TED talk turn out to be derived from merely 14 individuals – 11 women and 3 men, all college students. Although I cannot authoritatively claim that this sample size is too small or too homogenous – much time has elapsed since my college statistics course – yet I cannot avoid a feeling of suspicion that too much is being made of too small a study. What’s more, the numbers derived from the study are at times less convincing than the author would have us believe, hinting at a confirmation bias. For example, only 56% of the surveyed women agreed with the statement “My emotional state depends on how _____ feels about me”, yet this is given as further evidence of the author’s hypothesis. This is not a solitary example – on multiple occasions percentages in the low sixties, fifties, and even forties are unreservedly advanced to prove the author’s points, which aim at a generalized understanding. Overall the book seems to lack coherence and reads more like a loose collection of research abstracts, ideas, factoids, and quotes – lots of quotes, which are largely lyrical musings about the nature of love. Throughout the book, the author also shows a strong proclivity for speculation, seemingly mistaking it for theory. A theory by definition must be falsifiable, yet the author commonly uses the word to refer to what is plainly untestable conjecture, which I think is impermissible in a scientist. Unsurprisingly, the chapter most heavenly laden with such “theorizing” is the one on the evolutionary origins of love. Such speculation may be intelligent, intriguing, and entertaining, but it is not strictly scientific.Perhaps, my biggest gripe with the book though is the conclusion the author draws from her research. A good percentage of “Why We Love” is devoted to convincing us that romantic live is inherently a neurochemical addiction, not at all dissimilar from alcohol, tobacco or methamphetamine addictions either behaviorally or in its effect on the brain’s neurological pathways. In fact, this is the strongest part of the book, and the reason for my three-star rating. The presented evidence is indeed strongly in favor of the hypothesis. So, after spending so much ink proving to us that romantic love displays all the classic characteristics of a chemical addiction, what does the author propose that we do with this information? She proceeds to give us tips on how to manipulate individuals into developing romantic attachments and make romantic love last longer! Pause to consider the incongruity. This is a rational response only if one believes that the rewards of an addiction are worth the costs, and maybe the author performed the mental comparison, but if she did, she never shares these deliberations with us. As a result, the last part of the book seems oddly disconnected from the first, with the gap bridged by undisclosed value assumptions. To recap, the book contains enough interesting ideas and data to stimulate thinking but fails to weave them into a coherent theoretical framework or a transformative narrative. Aside from monetary motivations, I am hard pressed to find reasons why this should not have been a TEDBook or a Kindle Single.
Fisher's book Why we Love is a book about evolutionary biology and its mechanism the biological chemicals to explain the underpinings of mating strategies and romanic love in specific. I think she does a great job weaving poems, famous passages, and myths in order to give feeling to the analytical side of evolutionary biology.Fisher states that lust, romantic love, and attachment came about because of specific need in mating strategies in order for our species to be prolific. She thinks that lust and its associated neurotransmitter, testosterone made people and men in particular interested in the opposite sex. This interest made it easier for us to "go forth and multiply."Where as lust made us interested in the opposite sex, romantic love and its associated neurotransmitter dopamine came about so we can focus on one specific love one until the moment of conception. And attachment and its associated neurotransmitter vasopressin/oxytocin was created so we can raise a family. I also found the book illuminating in explaing the importance of romantic love in the evolutinary history of mankind. The bards were right romantic love is not superfulous but rather it is an important aspect of mating.I also found the book informative in keeping the flames of romantic love hot way after the initial cooling. Fisher states in ordr to do this one has to keep dopamine around especially as it is associated to your love one. Practically speakng, you keep dopamine flowing by having an exciting job that you love, doing new, novel, and exciting experiences with your love one (travel to new places, eat exotic foods, and take a classes together), continue to expand your own personal horizons and share it with your love one. Fisher also recommends having some personal space with your love one because as the old saying goes, "absence make the heart grow fonder" within reason of course. I think in my personal life it translates to seeing your SO 3 or 4 days out of the week.
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I love this book. It provided me with all the hidden secretes there is to love. Once finished with this book I no longer feel dumbfounded about mine or other people’s actions when it comes to romance, lust, commitment and passion. I recommend that everyone reads this book because love is a complex system and Helen Fisher does an amazing job in making it clear that love is not something to fear even when everything doesn’t seem to be working out because love is about an individual’s personal growth in life and that is something that is always successful.
—Heather
Helen Fisher advertises this book as a scientific one. While it does contain her own scientific data along with those of some of her colleagues, the book is also full of conjectures, hypotheses, anecdotes and worst of all poems and literature extracts.On top of that, it's also full of repetitions, a fault that she didn't correct in her following book "Why Him, Why Her".In the end, I had to force myself to finish it although the second chapter regarding animal love was highly interesting, the rest of the book fails to reach expectations and it's a pity as I've had the chance to watch documentaries on the subject which required far less time on my behalf while being far more informative. A book to avoid.
—La-Plume
I thoroughly enjoyed the book. I learned that elevated levels of dopamine and norepinepherine and reduced levels of serotonin are the three brain chemical primarily responsible for "burnin' love." Helen Fisher wrote at length how she used fMRI scans of the brains of those in love and those who wre rejected in love. I learned that oxytocin and vasopressin are responsible for the long-term, secure and happy love that Joyce and I now share. I discovered knowing that brain chemicals are responsible for such powerful emotions and feelings in me does not reduce their impact. Knowledge of the how it works does not quell passion.Helen Fisher has a very easy to understand writing style. She liberally peppers her paragraphs with quotes from Shakespeare to Hericlitus which clarifies the subject.Helen writes at length about the chemicals in the brain and then explains how evolution played a large part about how we got where we are today.
—Robert Herald
