About book The Tricky Part: One Boy's Fall From Trespass Into Grace (2005)
(My Rating: 8.5/10) I was researching Stockholm Syndrome among people who were sexually abused as children and sexual exploitation of pre-adolescent boys, and I stumbled upon this title. Scanning a few reviews of The Tricky Part convinced me to purchase it. This absorbing, heart-wrenching memoir by actor/author Martin Moran is essentially three intertwined stories. The first is an account of his ongoing sexual abuse, beginning at age 12, by Bob, a man who was loosely connected to his church. This is set against the backdrop of Martin's Catholic upbringing in Colorado in the 1970s. In Martin's mind, the line between molestation and consensual sex was blurred because he willingly participated in the "affair" and Bob was also his friend and mentor. For the record, I strongly believe that, in these situations, the child is always innocent -- this is one issue in which there is no gray area. However, the story was told in such a way that I understood his confusion, even as the relationship with Bob became increasingly sick and twisted. Moran wrote courageously about his mingled love, hate, desire, emotional dependence, anger, guilt and shame. I also got a devastating look at his parents' seeming inability, in an era when sexual exploitation of children wasn't discussed, to acknowledge the red flags in this situation or intervene to protect their son. A second story is about Martin's coming out as a gay man at a time when homosexuality was still considered a bona fide psychiatric disorder as well as a one-way ticket to Hell. His long journey to accept his sexuality was complicated by his Catholic roots and the fact that his abuser had -- horrifyingly -- led him to believe that homosexuality was more shameful than pedophilia. There is one heartbreaking scene that will stick with me for a long time. Believing his father has accepted his coming out, Marty runs to him and embraces him, only to see a look of sheer disgust on his face. I can only imagine what it's like to be reviled and rejected by loved ones for something so fundamental to ones being. But of course it's a reality for millions of non-heterosexuals.The third story is about Martin, as an adult, acknowledging what was done to him and beginning the gradual processing of healing. Eventually he even achieved some level of forgiveness for his abuser as well as for himself. This journey involved recovery from depression and sex addiction. His path has been made easier by the love of his phenomenally kind, forgiving lover, Henry.Moran writes beautifully, with humor and compassion, about his experiences. Based on the premise, one might expect this to be a difficult, depressing read. But overall, it isn't -- at least for me. It is a blend of pain, joy, humor, and achingly raw sadness, anger, and regret as well as growth and healing. I also appreciated Moran's nuanced exploration of his Catholicism. He explores the fact that his religious background damaged him in some ways. However, he also touches on the rich variety of religious experiences and worldviews that comprise Catholicism. I loved his Great Aunt Marion, a contemplative nun with a passion for social justice.I recommend this book to anyone interested in learning more about childhood abuse and recovery and about how confusing and ambiguous a child's relationship with his abuser can be. Moran is a gifted writer, and -- as odd as it may sound considering the subject matter -- I enjoyed reading this book. It is one I definitely won't forget.
I always wanted to read this since I first heard about it. I finally did because I got to see the author's new play recently, another autobiographical piece, so I guess you can sort of call it a sequel? But it's about much different things, though certainly references the events in this story. It was beautiful and kind, I really loved it. (If he ever does another stint of the one-man play version of this work, I'd love to see it too.)He's an incredibly generous storyteller, here as a memoirist about his youth. He displays sympathy for everyone. This book is a lot like the exercise I think a lot of us fantasize about: being able to look our younger selves in the eye as they go through the things we know were the hardest, and tell them we understand and they're okay and they'll be okay. It Gets Better all the way.The book is just what it says on the cover, his extremely straightforward chronicle of Catholicism, coming out, and a very creepy long-running situation with an adult man who had sex with him as a kid. It's very subject-specific and there is a huge amount of detail about the events and emotions of all of this. It's 100% a therapeutic book for the author, and I can imagine it being something that people recovering from related events may need too.The close focus made it a little unexciting for me sometimes, because I don't need the book for those exact things. He writes a few lovely sections about more generally relatable feelings -- the frustration of depression, the gratitude and amazement of being loved, how much work it is to forget the past. To make the things that definitely mattered a lot not matter the most forever.I think this is the story he needed to write in order to write other stories, though, so I'm extremely grateful he was able to and is able to be free and happy as a person and an author. He has a loving view of life that is invaluable, and I hope I get to hear him talk about all of it.
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While this is not a topic that one usually pick up for a fun read, no one could have addressed the issue of child sexual abuse better and with more truth than this man. To say he is spiritual is like saying grass is a bit green. Not spiritual in the trite 'Every day with Jesus is nice' cliches we hear tossed about in some books. Instead, Moran shows us his own pain so vividly...and articulates what is difficult to put into words so vibrantly. He does what the most gifted of artists do--he takes pain and transforms it into an experience for the onlooker. We are with him as he deals with his anger and hurt and self-loathing...we are with him as he heals and grows and learns to forgive himself for something he did not do--a common struggle for victims of sexual abuse. It reads quickly yet with depth. It has a quality that I appreciate best about good books--it has portions that force me to stop, think about what I just read...and then read it over again. I hope you gain as much as I did from the reading.
—David Engen
I was hooked on this book from about the second page, and started actually looking forward to subway mishaps so that I could read more. Incredibly moving, and though the story being told is an extreme one, the issues that are explored in this book are universal. Oddly enough, while I was reading the book I had the opportunity to meet Martin Moran. (Okay, so I accosted him at Lincoln Center, what?) I nearly started crying telling him how much I loved this book, and he was genuinely moved (and I don't think too creeped out.) I'm really grateful that I got to tell himhowmuch it affected me.This is a highly unintelligent review.
—Melanie Hopkins
It's an interesting read about Moran's journey from a naive boy to a cynical man who eventually learns to acknowledge that his 3 year relationship with a sexual predator was indeed an abuse relationship. Moran spends the greater part of his life believing his relationship was consensual (and yet he is ashamed of it and keeps it a secret from his loved ones). After the abuse ends, Moran spends years self-loathing and it isn't until a friend drags him to an AA meeting that he begins to recognize the emotions scars the relationship caused. Moran's journey is one full of shame, depression, and eventually forgiveness.
—Sarah
