About book The Boyfriend List: 15 Guys, 11 Shrink Appointments, 4 Ceramic Frogs And Me, Ruby Oliver (2006)
I like this book so much for being a fun, frothy, escape about gossip and boys. But I LOVE this book for transcending all of those things. When I first read the title: The Boyfriend List: 15 Guys, 11 Shrink Appointments, 4 Ceramic Frogs and Me, Ruby Oliver, I expected that this book would contain a few swoon-worthy boys and that our heroine Ruby would experience some drama-fueled teenage angst trying to decide which one to date. I even jokingly proclaimed myself “Team Noel” within minutes of the starting the book – fully expecting that I would spend the next day or so regressing into teenage girl-hood and gossiping about these characters. Now I feel like a shallow jerk for expecting so little from E. Lockhart, the brilliant woman who brought us Frankie Landau-Banks!So often, girls are encouraged to “be nice” and get along – to not make waves, to make do with whatever life throws our way, to never give voice to our negative feelings. ”My problem is I can think whatever I think – girl power, solidarity, Gloria Steinem rah rah rah – but I still feel the way I feel. Which is jealous. And pissy about little things.”Even mild discontent is often viewed as “bitchy” or “whiny.” These expectations are so pervasive and ingrained that we often place them on ourselves. I know I’ve been guilty of it – of quashing my anger, jealousy, and hurt beneath a pleasant mask, even as it all multiplies and festers inside. Because that’s what happens when you don’t acknowledge a negative feeling, in my experience: it grows exponentially until it comes out one way or another.In Ruby’s case, she starts manifesting those feelings in a very physical way: panic attacks. Her parents, who are both clueless and over-involved, sign her up immediately for therapy. The novel itself is a written account of Ruby’s thoughts about a list that her therapist asks her to create: of all the boys that she’s ever been involved with. But the boys aren’t the real story - it turns out that Ruby’s best friends have stopped speaking to her and she’s become a “leper” at school. The story unfolds organically from one flashback to another with the list and the scenes in the present providing a really nice anchoring framework. It feels fluid but logical at the same time.I am just so impressed at how much depth this fluffy little story had to offer. Ruby’s struggle to acknowledge and justify her own feelings and to eventually give voice to them is a subtle one. But as someone who has fought that battle, I really felt the weight of it. I’ve been there – so afraid of my own feelings that I couldn’t even acknowledge that they existed. When I was in that place, it felt like voicing those things – giving them a name – would only make them more horrible, more real.This isn’t a triumphant feel-good story, but a quiet one about one girl’s first small steps toward emotional honesty, with other people but mostly with herself. And E. Lockhart gives us so much more than just Ruby: there’s Kim, who holds her feelings inside until they erupt in vicious outbursts; there’s Ruby’s parents, who are engaged in a constant power struggle that they never discuss openly; and there’s even Nora at the end, who seems to want to forget that anything happened.I’ve already downloaded the next three books and I simply cannot wait to continue. I know from experience that once you’ve given voice to your feelings – once you’ve felt that relief and that realization that the world is in fact not going to end – it’s almost impossible to go back to holding them in. I can’t wait to see more of Ruby’s journey in these books.Perfect Musical PairingCyndi Lauper - When You Were MineWoohoo! I get to match one of my songs so soon! This is one of my absolute favorites (I've got it on right now and my girls are having a dance party). It was written by Prince and Cyndi Lauper covered it but kept the male/female designations the same. This is my song for Ruby and Kim - because I know that Kim was awful and malicious, but I kind of hope they make it up by the end of the series - after a few cathartic talks, of course.Also seen on The Readventurer.
My very own soundtrack for this book:Crystal Fighters - You & I The Lumineers - Charlie Boy The Lumineers - Flowers in Her HairThis, the Silent War - We Are BrokenVance Joy - RiptideMSMR - Bones Banks - Waiting GameSometimes I get this urge to write stuff down. Mundane day-to-day thoughts, to-do lists, to-read lists, to-buy lists, to-cook lists, to-gift lists, etc. (Clearly, I have a List Writing Addiction, or too much time on my hands.) I’ve probably created and destroyed and revised a dozen or more “5-year plans” just this month. I’m always changing my mind, but documenting the process.I am a hopeless planner. It’s just how I am. Even if I have a tendency to change my mind. A lot. I write lists because they give me clarity and purpose; I just like knowing that I can plan things and then execute them. Bottom line: I like being in control. It’s most likely a neurotic-control-freak-perfectionist thing. When I write something down, somehow it becomes real for me. Almost like a promise. A reminder on paper that I can touch and see. Evidence. A piece of me (an inconsequential, random thought in my head that I would probably forget forever) now a material part of the world. Documented. But those are the easy things to write. Easy to control. There are other things though, that I can’t quite seem to put into words – or on paper. Like, those nostalgic days of your youth; the good memories and the bad. That "growing-up" process. I wouldn’t know where or how to start writing about that stuff. Sometimes I wonder if those days ever happened at all. Some of the stuff I “endured” seems so petty now. So inconsequential; I wish I could tell my younger self to suck-it-up; to not have been so overly sensitive and over-think things, to not have been so hard myself; to not have cared so much about what others thought of me; that it was okay that I made those mistakes - that no one is perfect; to forgive and not to have been so harsh; to not have gotten drunk that one night at that one party junior year, to never have fallen in love with that one boy, etc. Other times, I wonder how I ever got through those maddening days – those early years of heartbreak and pain and betrayals and losses. And then there are those happy memories of the firsts and the butterflies and the laughing and the carelessness and discovering a whole new world, of possibilities, and the what-if’s. Sometimes, I can’t even believe that was ME back then. That those things happened to me – and those memories belong to ME, not some character in a book, or in a movie, or from my fantasies. This book does just that. It articulates all of the things you wish you could (but never could), into words, unto paper.It takes you back to the days of your own firsts, then to the days of heartbreak, confusion, betrayal, teenage girl-drama, and of course – the bane and crux of existence in those days – boys. It takes you to that dark period in your life where you saw and felt and breathed only your misery. It forcibly keeps you in there, yet at the same time, makes you confront it and work through it. Ruby ("Roo") was definitely not the perfect heroine, but I loved her so much more for her mistakes - her flaws - her insecurities; for her glaring honesty, her timely humor, her sarcasm, her unapologetic view on life and love and friendship; her unyielding loyalty, her overly sentimental, sensitive, over-thinking, over-explaining, push-over, boy-crazy list-making, panic-attack prone self. I loved her for it all. And I saw glimpses of myself, my story in hers. And I laughed. So much. But at the same time, felt like crying, too. E. Lockhart just has that magical writing quality. I read and loved We Were Liars first. I know I’m 8 or so years late for this book, but never once did this book feel dated. Just like We Were Liars, the universal themes in this book – especially on loss and heartbreak was so beautifully captured in this brilliantly funny (foot-note included) coming-of-age story. Another exquisitely written YA gem; highly recommended!
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I am not sure why, but this book took me completely by surprise. The reviews for this book rated it highly and I knew the narration was reported to be fantastic. But I still got my socks knocked off. This book hooked me from the beginning. What this book is about at its core is a young girl (sophomore in high school) navigating the social mine field of high school and trying to make sense of her female friendships and her relationships with boys. The setting is perfect – a private school, a scholarship student, a boat house for the main character’s home, some very involved, loving but extremely quirky parents, and lots of mistakes, missteps and misunderstandings. All together, it makes a book that is incredibly funny and enlightening. E. Lockhart really really really hits on what it is like to be a 15 year old girl. Relationships with other girls are so intense at that age, love affairs in a way – but they can be treacherous. And relationships with the opposite sex is a complete mystery, every step brings a new learning moment. This book could just be light and funny and it is definitely that. But it also has serious character growth that brings readers along for the ride. Through Ruby Oliver’s examination of her boyfriend list, she examines what it means to be a true friend, what is the meaning of popularity, how girls get labeled slut, the true actions of betrayal, and that it feels good to have one’s boobs fondled. Yup, all important topics. E. Lockhart has a serious talent of leading Ruby and the reader down the path of enlightenment but doing it in a very fun way (for the reader, for Ruby it is actually quite painful and embarrassing) so that it doesn’t feel like I was learning. Side note, there is even a beautiful feminist discussion on the effect of labeling a female, how men do not get labeled in a similar way, and why this is -- E. Lockhart does this brilliantly by having a teacher discuss this topic in a class presentation, so that it does not come off preachy at all. I have a soft spot for this particular issue and I thought it was really well handled. What was surprising for me was that I ended up identifying with both Ruby Oliver (the lead in this story) and her parents. I hope that I am not quite as boundary ignoring, invasive and quirky as Ruby’s parents were but through them I saw two people who truly loved their daughter and wanted to stay involved in her life. I saw myself talking to my teenager, trying to appear (hopelessly I am sure) cool, try to convey love and yet respect those important boundaries. Raising a teenager is such hard work. This book is a tad bit mature for my 12.5 year old but in a few years I cannot wait for her to read it and then I will ask her, “How did this make you feel?” And she will roll her eyes and walk away. But I will smile, because in a way we will have shared a moment. I recommend this book for anyone who has been a teenager, who has a teenager, and who likes to laugh.
—Regina
Ruby Oliver has a lot of problems. Her boyfriend dumped her, her friends aren't talking to her (actually nobody seems willing to talk to her, she became a social leper), and there's a list circulating through the school - her boyfriend list. And let's not forget the panic attacks.Ruby is great - funny, smart, a bit clueless sometimes (especially when it pertains to people), not too much of a Drama Queen. She has some flaws - passivity being the main one. She's also insecure. Her life spiraled out of control real fast - it's a wonder how those thing happen. The idea of the book written in shape of a list is great in theory, but in practice I had problems with the timeline. There's a lot of jumping through time: things that happened last year, before the mess, the mess itself and the aftermath. It was hell trying to sort everything, and some things are still unclear. But I did enjoy the book.I was looking for a humorous and light YA book with romance, and that's what I got. On to book two: The Boy Book: A Study of Habits and Behaviors, Plus Techniques for Taming Them.Rating:4 stars
—Ana
Since The Boyfriend List is a book about lists (15 Guys, 11 Shrink Appointments, 4 Ceramic Frogs, and Me, Ruby Oliver), I think I'm going to go out of the box and write my thoughts on the book in enumeration form, too. My personal sub-title: 5 Reasons I Liked It, 3 Reasons I Didn't, And A Recommendation.5 Reasons I Liked It: 1. It dealt with high school reality and teen angst/problems, much in the same manner that Stargirl (by Jerry Spinelli) did. Personally, I never experienced anything similar to what the protagonist, Ruby “Roo” Oliver, went through, but I can sympathize. 2. The writing was straightforward and simple, and given that it was told in the first person POV, the narrative was exactly like how a 16-year-old would have written it. 3. The situation that Roo found herself in elicited not only feelings of sympathy from me, but also disgust and outrage at the people she called her friends. I was affected by it! I was so angry for Roo! 4. In between the outrageous and the (sometimes) annoying, there was also the hilarious: Roo's mom, Elaine, a performing artist, having a show where she talked Roo first having her period, for example. It must have been humiliating to have your first period and having your own mother telling the world about it, but it's hilarious at the same time, when you think about it. 5. Although the ending could have been so much better, in my opinion, I thought that through her experiences, Roo has learned an important lesson in her young life. I thought it was wonderful that within the period of an entire school year that she became part of the “in” crowd, had a cool boyfriend, was later on ostracized and called labels (“slut”, “leper”), and had panic attacks which required the shrink appointments, she had truly matured. 3 Reasons I Didn't: 1. I hated the footnotes! They tended to distract me from the narrative, especially footnotes that took up half of the page or continued on to the next. 2. While it was probably necessary that Roo's story was not told in chronological order, the author having resorted to a see-sawing between the past and the present in order to construct Roo's timeline, it nonetheless annoyed and confused me at times. There was a lot of overlapping of events, in fact, necessitating an explanation of the chronology of events from time to time. (“That was the Friday after the dance, so that would be one week before the so-and-so and three days after the so-and-so.” Something like that.) 3. I hated Roo's friends. Loathed them. Especially that Kim. GRRRRR!A Recommendation: I don't believe that you have to be able to relate to the characters of a book in order to appreciate it, and The Boyfriend List is a perfect example. Although I couldn't relate with any one character in it, I liked it because of the social issues that it dealt with: teenage angst, peer pressure, first love and heartbreak, ostracism, labels. Having said that, I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to take a trip down memory lane, back to their own high school years, and remember. :)Original post here.
—Monique
