About book How To Talk To Anyone: 92 Little Tricks For Big Success In Relationships (2003)
The content of Leil Lowndes's How to Talk to Anyone is much better described by its subtitle: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships. Some of the book is about talking to people, but quite a bit is about other aspects of relationships. I read this just after reading How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less by Nicholas Boothman (reviewed here). Both books are on similar topics, but written by very different authors. While Boothman's book is short and less thorough than I would have liked, I really enjoyed his personality. He seems like someone who genuinely likes meeting people, someone who finds joy in everyday life. His friendliness and enthusiasm were contagious.And then there's Leil Lowndes. She seems like a shallow, petty, artificial person (which I assume is not true, but it's the image I'm left with having read her book). A number of her "Little Tricks for Big Success" seem to me phony. Rather than cultivating a "bag of tricks" to make people around feel better about themselves and me, why not cultivate an attitude of genuine interest and care for others around me? As Boothman repeats throughout his book, it is only out of a genuine attitude that people will feel loved and appreciated. I agree with this, and I think I would feel slightly used to be treated with some of Lowndes's techniques for getting ahead. The end result of this self-improvement ought to be that I am a better person, regardless of whether I am (to use Lowndes's terminology) a "Big Cat" or "Little Cat." I should be giving my best to everyone, not just successful people who can give me something that benefits me.Consider Lowndes's story of her friend who, apparently, completely messed up the chances for success when she didn't handle a business phone call with 100% perfection. Afterwards, Lowndes says, "I still like Laura. She's still my friend. But will I introduce her to any other Big Winners who might help her? I can't take the chance." Goodness.I also find it difficult to understand what, in Lowndes's opinion, constitutes proper, caring behavior, and what is shallow and false. A prime example is her pride in a form letter that she sends to supervisors of employees who have given her good service (Technique 90). To me, a form letter just doesn't seem the height of caring.However, there are some really good techniques in the book, too. "Hang by Your Teeth" (Technique 4) is a fantastic tip for improving posture. And there are many other pieces of advice that are very good. It's just the overall odd tone from the author that leaves a bad taste in my mouth from the book as a whole. Also, it seems that the pinnacle of Lowndes's career was being a hostess on a cruise ship; she's not married; her anecdotes are mostly about "friends." A book like this would be more authoritative from someone who has achieved the success that Lowndes is so obviously desperate for.
A useful collection of tips for social interactions, mostly for business networking. They emphasize nonverbal communication such as body language and vocal tone. This book definitely increased my awareness of my social behavior, and I’ll keep several of the tips in mind.If you’ve read How to Win Friends and Influence People (my review) or other books about winning people over, you won’t find much new here. However, there are a few tips that countered common wisdom, such as waiting until after a caller announces their name to sound excited (rather than sounding excited as soon as you answer). Some tips seem disingenuous and manipulative, such as timing your smile, crafting your compliments, and altering your behavior, but most are sound.I listened to the audiobook, which is energetically read by the author. She comes across as overconfident, but she’s also funny at times. The 3.5-hour recording contains 62 tips instead of the book’s 92.By the way, besides How to Win Friends, I highly recommend Never Eat Alone (my review).My favorite tips• When introduced to someone, pivot 100% towards them.• When asked what you do, give an explanation along with your job title.• Listen for the other person to drop clues about their interests, then ask about them.• Keep turning the “spotlight” of conversation on the other person.• Parrot the other person’s last few words, in the form of a question, to keep the conversation going.• Ask “How do you spend most of your time?” not “What do you do?”• Mimic the motions and manners of the other person.• Mimic the words and phrases of the other person.• Use the words “we”, “us”, and “our” to imply camaraderie.• The killer compliment: privately and sincerely compliment the other person on a specific, attractive quality or trait. Don't do this more than twice a year per person, or you'll dilute its effect.• On the phone, replace gestures with words.• On the phone, use a person’s name much more often than when face-to-face.
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Some good tips and some obvious ones. I can, and will, apply parts of this book to my life but the content and tone is heavily geared towards your professional life and creating somewhat artificial relationships to get sales or get ahead. This isn't what I wanted or expected from the title. For some this book might be more valuable by skipping the talk of big cats and glass ceilings, reading the tips at the end of the chapter and then reading that chapter if they apply. Some of the information for building corporate relationships by taking notes and feigning interest can be altered and applied to people you actually are interested in, but are too involved in your own life to give them the attention they deserve.Skipping to the end of the chapter will also mean you miss out on all the talk of making boners and ignoring your colleague's boners which has to make you laugh when it pops up as she earnestly talks about impressing high powered CEO's. No, just me?
—Gio
Having scoured Amazon for days, I finally narrowed my selection to three books on social skills, one of which was this book.I was looking for advice on honing my conversational skills to the level of a social butterfly. Having some experience as a management trainer, I look at self-help books critically and here is my analysis.First the positives. This book does teach you some important and overlooked facts that are helpful for all of us, as they may be our blind spots. It also gives you real life examples to support the points. There are quite a few very helpful tips in there. It is especially good for people who are socially challenged.On the downside, the book traverses social and professional settings, zigzagging its path, which becomes a tad confusing. The format of the book is such that it overlaps the two. However, my preference would have been two separate sections on social and professional settings. Afterall a date is dealt with differently than a prospective client. Partying skills are presented at the end, while first impressions are presented upfront. This formatting is focused on producing 92 separate tips and relating social situations to conform to them. It would have been better to classify social situations with their progression and then offer tips accordingly, which would have made the book more coherent and pragmatic.The book borrows from Dale Carnegie and yet dismisses his tips as dated, this was a put off for me. Dale did not stretch his book to over 300 pages, he just wrote the basic idea and let the reader apply it intelligently.Despite its shortcomings, its still a useful book for picking up some good pointers.
—Aliya
The book seemed great at first, but it isn't what I had expected. Considering I was already good at communicating with people and I was ver well living and chatting, I've just wanted to read the book for the sake of reading about communication cause I was interested in psychology, communication.. Etc Yet after I'd finished the book I found that it wasn't at all what I wanted. It isn't for normal real life, and it goes so much to a sales person. It should be called HOW TO BE PERFECT. I found the book "exhausting" .. It focuses on how you should relax your conversation partner and how you should be perfect talking to others.. Well I didn't have this POV on the book while reading it.. And no doubt I've benefited some good advises, also enjoyed the way it was written. But still I would stop someone from reading it cause truely! If you take this book too much into consideration and apply it to your normal daily life with your close friends and family then it may become very tiring and you may suffer some sort of disorientation in your "were-good-already" relationships. But the book may have also that benefit of showing you, how you already were good before reading any communication thingy and how normal and spontaneous reactions coming from experiences are much much much wayyyy better than reading and applying "robotoly"Relax! people aren't that focused on you and you can do much better with yourself.
—Nour
