The authors explore issues and anxieties about individual commitment that prevent people from finding or keeping the love they need. This book examines why people may be afraid of a serious ongoing relationship and differentiates between male and female fears and responses. Using case studies, the authors illustrate commitment problems and suggest ways to resolve conflicts.I stumbled across this book while searching for another title. It called to me so I downloaded it. The information presented in this book is very insightful; I have a deeper understanding about myself, my pattern, and my past relationships. The authors demonstrate the differences between active and passive commitment phobias and how they play out in pursuit-panic relationships by examining each relationship stage. They suggest that everyone has some degree of commitment phobia. The many exercises and questionnaires in this book help readers to identify their relationship patterns, fears, and commitment conflicts.This book is heavy reading; the first five chapters contain case studies of unhealthy relationships which I found depressing. The questionnaires really helped me identify my relationship pattern and my fears. I enjoyed reading about narcissistic, claustrophobic, universal and circumstantial commitment anxiety. The appendix is a great quick reference and includes information on recovering from a break-up. Understanding ourselves and our behavior is key in refining it and learning from past relationships. Learning to recognize commitment phobic responses in ourselves and others will assist us in sustaining healthy and satisfying relationships. Everyone should read this book; aside from relationships, there are many other areas where commitment phobia plays a role, such as at work and at home. It’s a good resource with many practical suggestions which apply to all areas of life.
This book is too long and repetitive. It's better to be edited and reduced to 1/3.After reading "Men who can't love", I can't wait to read this one and the other books by the authors. However the book "He's scared, she's scared" is a bit disappointing- too repetitive that I doubted if I want to read the rest of books or not.Despite the problem above, it is a good book, like a wake-up call. Although this is not written by professionals, it indeed brings up some serious matter of fact- like your dating pattern. You might scared before reading this book, but you will be terrified after reading it. Conflicts from different parts of your life may connected and share the same source.I love the stories shared in the books, which help the authors to make clear of their points and it's a relief knowing that someone else has the same problem and we are not alone.To be self-protective is the best advice from this book.
When dealing with some commitment issues, I found this fairly useful and insightful. It helped me understand and determine my behaviour and made me realise what caused some action. I did, however, wish that it had focused some on the solutions, as they were just jammed into one chapter at the end. Why didn't ask me to do more exercises or pinpoint actions that might help. The book is very much of the Freudian school of "If you understand your actions and their causes, you will change behaviour", which last me wanting more.
—Frank Sloth Aaskov
Soooo this book kind of changed my life. For realsies. I feel like this is a book everyone who's ever dated should read... so basically that's everyone, right?It calls out repetitive destructive behaviors and points in the direction of change, if you are willing to accept the challenge. While this is definitely a relationship book, it also confronts the issues of career, family and many other facets of life that require commitment. If you're feeling stuck or unsure of which direction to go, give this one a read.
—Sarah Toler
This book is structured like many self-help books, with scenario after case study, repetitiously illustrating the basic thesis, which is that there are two types of commitmentphobic people: active and passive, and they behave differently. Which one are you (if any)? It doesn't take long to match your story to one of the types, or this book is not for you.The first 250 pages or so could have been boiled down to about 30 pages, but if you can make it to the back of the book, you find out how to change your patterns. Chapter Ten: Making Commitments That Count offers useful insights into making incremental changes that help you stop sabotaging yourself. And in the Appendix, Section Two: Recovering From a Commitmentphobic Relationship offers reminders to help you regain your strength and self-esteem after it's over. This book has overall value, especially in the last 70 pages.Recommended for anyone who wonders why they choose someone who is so bad for them, and how they can break the pattern for good.
—Lainie
