About book Falling Leaves: The True Story Of An Unwanted Chinese Daughter (1999)
In English we say "An apple falls close to the tree" meaning you are like your family. In Shanghai they say "The leaves fall close to the roots" meaning you always go back to family, to your roots--like it or not.Covering a sweeping range of China's immediate past, from the 1930s to today, this book is partly fascinating history of a period of enormous upheaval and change, partly telenovela of the "Falcon Crest" sort, as it tells the story of a wealthy family and the machinations of the wicked stepmother to control everything from economic resources to her children's behaviour.I've read a lot of scathing reviews of this book, most of which attack the author (the unwanted fifth daughter) for "whining" and being a "victim." This is perhaps an understandable response on the part of a reader who has never been the scapegoat of a closed, dysfunctional family dynamic. For those of us who have been in that particular hotseat (even without the Asian family background) it's a little different. A rejected child often will do anything for a bit of approval on the part of the adults in her life--I've seen this even in single-child families in which the child is given "all the advantages" of special classes and opportunities to develop their talents, travel with parents, etc. And how many memoirs of children of the wealthy are there that reveal the ugliness under the privilege. Considering that the author was programmed from Day 1 to believe that she had cost her father's beloved first wife her life by just being born, and therefore deserved nothing, it's suprising she made anything of herself. If Yen Mah never got the counselling and guidance she needed to restore her sense of self-worth, it's not surprising that she never had the strength to make a final break with her family. A truly dysfunctional family does operate like a soap opera in many ways; I grew up in one as another last child who should have been a boy and wasn't, though we were working class, and I was fortunate enough to find the tools and strength to break away. I never outgrew my dream of a happy, united family, though by now I know it's a dream. As Yen Mah's brother James remarks in the narrative:"Your problem is that you're always transferring your own feelings and reasonings to others. You wanted to believe we all shared your dream of a united family. In fact, no one cared except for you." I hear that. For that very reason I have never written about my own experiences, though some have encouraged me to. It wasn't pleasant to live it, why put it out there and spread the misery? Besides, "catharsis" can often spill over into payback. And at some point your abusers have to become unimportant in your life; otherwise, they just keep winning, even after they're dead. At some point they've got to stop controlling the inside of your head.I did find the part where the author finds comfort and release from the burden in a folk tale a bit wish-fulfillment, but she probably wanted to end on a positive note and a "lesson".
Families are considered the basic unit of society, yet it is a widely accepted fact that they are also the most complex group of people anyone has ever been a part of. In Adeline Yen Mah's memoir, Falling Leaves: The True Story of an Unwanted Chinese Daughter, she shared her experiences with growing up in a dysfunctional family (if one considers hers as one) who constantly maltreats and abuses her for not only being the youngest daughter in the family but also as the "cause" of all the unfortunate incidents that happened with her deceased mother and the decline of their strong familial bond. Despite the hardships that her family put her through from childhood to adulthood, she always looked after them and awaited for their love and approval. This memoir explored the popular Chinese saying, "the leaves fall close to the roots", meaning that no matter how much we've changed and how far we reach in life, we will always find ourselves back to our family roots.As a memoir, the writing style has the tendency to be biased- only considering the author's point of view and rarely everybody else around her. Mah's thoughts and feelings are the only ones thoroughly explored in this book, and everybody else's appeared to be a mere speculation of how she viewed them. This, of course, is inevitable and somewhat expected because of the self-centered nature of memoirs, but Mah presented her story in a very interesting manner. Each chapter is titled with popular Chinese sayings that will serve as the basis of the anecdotes she will be sharing. No matter how much pain and suffering she went through under her family's hands, she always took something from the experience and grew from it to be the strong and independent woman her Aunt Baba- the only one who truly loved her- always wanted her to be. The book covered some controversial topics like the way different cultures draw the line between abuse and discipline, but Mah's intention on telling her story was not to put dirt on Eastern thought or her family but to show the world how she rose from her past and was able to walk her own path and defy her family limited expectations on her. At the same time, she never lost touch on where she came from and always reflected on her past- the past that helped her become the person she is today.This book reminded me to the so-called traditional morals that my grandparents continue to teach us today, and I have developed an appreciation for them because now I see the genuine intention for each one of them. Falling Leaves offered a handful of life lessons that the readers can apply to their own lives, and this just shows how universal some of the thoughts and experiences she went through. This is a book that some people needed to read in order to feel less alone and also to believe that things will indeed get better for them.
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This memoir of an unwanted Chinese daughter failed to fully gain my sympathy for its author. Adeline Yen Mah was born in 1937 to a wealthy family in Tianjin. Her mother died shortly thereafter and her father married a woman who would become Adeline's wicked stepmother. When the family moved to Shanghai, Adeline was forced to endure the hideousness of her straight Chinese hair when she longed for a "perm" like the stylish westerns had. She and her brothers were forced to walk nearly three miles to school. And they were deprived of pocket change with which to buy little candies. And sometimes, her siblings were mean to her! Adeline Yen Mah paints herself as a saint while bitterly recalling every injustice she endured throughout her childhood. Yes, her stepmother was a cruel bitch from hell but Adeline never shares with her readers anything she ever did to a another human being that she regrets. And for this reason it's difficult for this reader to completely trust or sympathize with her account. What I did appreciate from this book was the author's constant referral to the economic and political changes that were taking place in China from 1937 to 1994. For this reason I might read some of her other books. I feel she has a lot to offer the world through her writing if she could stop obsessing about gaining the love and approval of her flaccid father and her icy stepmother, especially when she measures "love" and "approval" in terms of how much money is given to her in their respective wills.
—Dorothea
i found this book fascinating. The pressure of duty to ones parents and the "saving of face" is incredible, and the filial duty and love to each other as well - despite the terrible treatment of each of them by their stepmother, and despite the rivalry and treachery amongst the children themselves as they deferred to her wishes and manipulations, the longng to fit in was heart rending. It was also an insight into the struggles and occurrences of the cultural revoltion in China and the politics of Hong Kong. I enjoyed the use of the Chinese proverbs through the book.
—Christine Williams
To preface, let me say that I have read "Chinese Cinderella" by the same author which is essentially the same book, just written for a younger audience. Another difference in the two is that "Chinese Cinderella" ends when Adeline (the author) goes off to college. "Falling Leaves" however, ends in the late 1990's when she has grown up and is a middle aged woman.This is an autobiographical book and details teh life of Adeline Yen Mah, an unwanted Chinese daughter. The early part of the book describes her birth and subsequent death of her mother. The youngest of five when her father remarries, their family is soon joined by a bitter cruel stepmother they call Niang and eventually two more siblings.Her early years are detailed as being more emotionally abused than ever physically abused although there are a couple instances where she is slapped or whipped. For the most part, while her basic needs are cared for, her emotional ones are not. Even those that try to provide for her emotional needs, her grandfather Ye-ye and her Aunt Baba, are prevented from doing so by Niang. While she excels in school to impress her father and subsequently attract his love, she is often ignored and left behind. They even went so far as to, during the course of her young life, enroll her in two different boarding schools/orphanages just to get rid of her. One of these was in a war-torn area that was unsafe at the time.Her way out came as a winning of a writing contest which finally made her father see her potential. However, instead of supporting her dreams of becoming a writer, he sends her to medical school where eventually she specializes in anesthesia.The second part of the book shows her progressing through medical school and then her relationships. It also shows her struggle to still gain approval from her father and Niang. It also shows the grown up rivalries of all the siblings. While she does find happiness, it is tarnished by these familial relationships.I thought it was an excellent book. While many might not feel sadness at her plight as she was well cared for and supplied an education, I think it really delves into what it means to be human. Most people want acceptance and want to be loved. As it is said "Money can't buy happiness." Why then should we feel less for Adeline as she was unwanted even in her own family, regardless of how well they helped her survive?She is able to express her emotions readily and in a way I think all would be able to understand. I enjoyed her writing style and found unique the difference Chinese characters and phrases she incorporated to express her meaning.The book is also a good study on the culture and political movements at the time in China and the surrounding areas. All of the events had an impact on her family's life and probably contributed to the turmoil.Overall I think this book is a very informative read and would recommend it to anyone.Falling LeavesCopyright 1997274 pages
—Melissa
