TL;DR: Yalom does a great job of summarizing her material, though there are some issues along the way.To effectively review A History of the Wife, let’s start with some of the alternative titles that I think this book could (or should) have:A History of the Wife in the Occident/WestA History of Wives in the United States, Including Historical Background MaterialsA History of Women, with a Concentration upon WivesWhy Women Should Be Proud of Their FreedomsA History of the Interactions between Men and WomenI want to be crystal clear on this point: I am not denigrating, insulting, or otherwise putting the purpose of this volume down in offering these alternative titles. I am merely pointing out my first point as succinctly as possible: I’m not sure that this book was appropriately named. I’ll explain and tie this back below. To fully understand my critique, let’s start with the problems I think Yalom’s book has:First, when I first got my hands on this book, I thought ‘Oh, great! I always wanted to learn about wives the world over!’ As I started reading through it, I quickly realized that the scope of this work was much narrower than what I initially believed it to be. Yalom never makes a sustained reference to the Orient, Africa, Australia, or basically anywhere else on the planet besides Europe and the United States. While Europe is a strong focal point of wives in the West, there must certainly be a fascinating history of wives (or something akin to the term) in the East. Thus, the problem is that this book says that it is a history of “the Wife,” yet it doesn’t own up to the title since it concentrates on a very specific segment of the world. Even in that segment, it quickly loses the grand scheme of its design—the book starts in the ancient world, moves to Greece/Rome, moves to the western portions of Europe, and then ends in the United States. That is not just a geographical tracing of the subject, but also a chronological one. In other words, if you want to know what modern brides are like in Greece, you will need to go outside of this book. If you want to know what brides were like when they crossed the Bering Land Bridge (to form the American Indian tribes), you will need to go outside of this book.Second, this book has an agenda. I don’t have a problem with that, and I suspected it going in, as the back material suggests it (it is worded: “For any woman who is, has been, or ever will be married, this intellectually vigorous…analysis…”). However, I think the project gets in the way of the material just a little. Yalom is not shy about telling us her reasons for the work, nor does she demure in proudly tying the background material to the present day advances that women have made. To that I say resoundingly: GOOD! GREAT! Seriously, great! But scale back the rhetoric directed at women and instead, you know, maybe just direct it at people. I’m married; my wife bought me this as a kind of gag gift (“Honey, now you have to know about how to take care of me!”) but also because she knows that I appreciate intellectual works, especially for traditionally disadvantaged groups. While reading it, I felt like this book was more ‘GO TEAM’ than ‘So, look—women had it bad. Let’s ALL talk about that.’ I did get the latter vibe in the book, but this was subsumed sometimes under the former.This ties to the third point I want to make: Sometimes in the book Yalom lost sight of wives and instead concentrated on women. Again, I have no problems with this, but a better title for the book may have been in order. I will offer a great deal of credit where it is due: She seems to recognize this in some sections, and she makes prodigious efforts to tie those sections back to the main focus. In addition, I admit that the subject does tend to lean heavily upon independent women, not all of whom were married. As such, it was a delicate balance that she needed to strike in the work. Thus, please understand that as a reviewer I am cautioning you, the future reader/potential reader of her book that this may strike you too. I am not knocking the issue, just noting it in passing.Fourth (and finally) in criticism is an issue that will lead me into my praise: If you have had a basic liberal education at a 4-year institution, Yalom’s book might not have that much to offer you. Specifically, if you have had a class in Greek culture, a history of the West (preferably Europe and the States), and a British Literature I course, you have about 60-80% of this book already covered (assuming that you had decent teachers). Put another way, much of this book is simply a review of things you have already read. For instance, you probably already know about wives in Greece in relation to Greek homosexuality, the works of Kempe, and the women’s movements of the last century…Which brings me to my praise: If you have NOT had that kind of education, or if your education wasn’t in the arts/history, then this book was written for you. It has excellent information on wives in the periods that I mentioned, takes a scholarly tone throughout (though watch for the agenda), and attempts to tie all of its information together to a cohesive argument.Okay, I admit it: You (my reader) are probably saying to yourself—“You can’t have your point both ways! You just gave backhand compliments on everything!” I realize it comes across this way. When I thought about how to write this review, trust me, I thought long and hard about these things. The fact is that I like this book. A lot. When my daughter is older, I hope to coerce her into reading it, as it think that any woman in the West needs to know this information. I admire Yalom’s project and feel that it accomplishes what she set out to do. This is a tough topic to strike the right balance on; though there are some rough spots, on the whole she does a wonderful job.To wrap up my praise, I can only say this: If I were to teach a course on feminist studies, this would be on the reading list. If I were to offer a short one-volume analysis of the wife to any person, this would be the one. If I wanted to summarize/start any person on a liberal education of women in the West, this would be the volume I would pick. I think those are high compliments given what other texts I have read in my career (I have a BA and MA in English studies, with strong interests in history and philosophy, including basic feminist texts). I hope that you, my reader, find something of value in her work as well.
In many ways, this book illustrates why I rarely read non-fiction books, preferring instead to get my facts from magazines, journal articles, and news outlets. The prose is unexceptional and inconsistent, veering in tone between academic and chatty. The content is almost random, providing a lot of anecdotes but failing to provide what the title promises: a history of wife-hood.A better name for this book would be: “A Background for American Wives of European Ancestry.” Admittedly (as was pointed out to me when I started complaining about it) the back of the book does note the Western focus of the book. So it’s not precisely fair to fault the book for not being what I wanted it to be: a clear view of the different legal and social obligations that have accompanied the concept of marriage in different time periods and cultures. Instead, this book tells a quite familiar tale. No one with a passing acquaintance with Western History is going to learn anything new or shocking here. In keeping with the old idea that American culture is based on Greco-Roman society, Yalom starts off with ancient Greek and Roman marriages, proceeds to medieval and Renaissance Europe, spends quite a bit of time on Frontier wives in America, goes on to the Victorians, the effect of the early feminist movement, the development of contraception, the effect of WWII, and modern times (in the United States).Even within the scope of the book, so many opportunities are lost. There is no discussion of how different cultures’ bringing their own marriage traditions and expectations to America is a factor in society, no mention of gay marriage or alternative family arrangements – nothing more challenging than a mild feminist perspective is included.Rather than making a historical argument, or even really talking that much about the book’s topic, Yalom really has just collected a bunch of anecdotes about women throughout history who happened to be married. Luckily, many of them are really fascinating, interesting anecdotes. I love history, and I love reading things like old diary and letter excerpts to gain insight into others’ lives and perspectives. I didn’t mind keeping this book around for a bit, working my way through it by picking it up every so often to read the next segment…
Do You like book A History Of The Wife (2002)?
When I first opened A History of the Wife, I looked at the introduction titled- Is the Wife an Endangered Species? This itself held my attention. However, in the act of moving onto chapter one, it was clear that this book was a tad slow for my taste. Just as I was gradually becoming unsure that I even wanted to complete the book, I moved further through the times. I then found myself truly intrigued by the history of Protestant wives, and affected emotionally by the duties and rolls of women in Europe, Germany, England, and America, 1100-1700. Yalom recounts incidents in the past, shares the writings and visions of wives, and adds sentimental representations of women, husbands, and families. I look forward to moving into more recent times with- Republican Wives and Wives, War, and Work.A History of the Wife, so far, has been an great read. Update: I am officially finished with A History of the Wife. Republican Wives and Wives, War, and Work were great, informative chapters. I am not at all disappointed.
—Linnea
Voy en la Reforma, pero la Historia de las esposas desde Adán y Eva hasta el siglo XV ha estado nutritiva. El capítulo sobre el antiguo testamento va siendo de los mejores, muy humano y lleno de contradicciones, con mujeres fuertes, maridos enamorados, amantes, parejas que sobreviven a las guerras, al desierto, bello. De las griegas, pobre de ellas -todo mal con un marido gay-, pobres romanas -sus maridos podían divorciarlas, pero ellas no al revés y las cambiaban cada 2 por 3 por alianzas políticas; y entre las medievales....hallé de todo tipo: esposas 1o y monjas dp, viceversa, todo entremedio... y la Iglesia que recién en el siglo XII hace del matrimonio un sacramento y pide que se realice la ceremonia en la Iglesia. Bueno saberlo, no? Ahora, las mujeres reformadoras alemanas e inglesas también están notables!veremos en qué sigue. Se acerca al presente y me da un poco más de lata.
—Magdalena
Marilyn Yalom writes an interesting history for the layperson of the woman as she has most consistently figured in society - as a wife. I found it striking to see the sequence of ideas about women and male/female union as they performed a broader social function - ideas of fruitfulness, loyalty/partnership, strength, purity/filth, possession/responsibility, licentious/asexual - and how society defended its principles violently from one belief system to its opposite statement in the following era. Organized by time period, the book is a stream of interesting short stories from history - some surprising ones, like Nero's open homosexuality and accepted marriage to two men, married in women's dress, one castrated, and given equal or greater respect than his two wives (which he eventually divorced on various trumped up charges of adultery, etc).brief outline of books main points at:http://rmillustration.blogspot.com/
—Rebecca
